Make Mine a 99: Justified and Ancient

“We don’t want to upset the apple-cart, and we don’t want to cause any harm, but if you don’t like what we’re going to do, you’d better not stop us ’cause we’re coming through.” — KLF, “Justified and Ancient.”

The YC&AC Masters’ inaugural tilt on the Kanagawa Over 40s League continued in insipid fashion on August 28 with a 0-3 reverse against Verdrero Kohoku of Kohoku, Kohoku Ward, home of affordable flat-pack furniture retailer IKEA. Appropriately enough, Verdrero arrived at the Home of Football with an important piece of kit missing, and lined up a bit wobbly looking with 10 men and an ill-fitting thingamabob in goal.

YC&AC too had to scratch about in the box a bit to find all the necessary parts pre-kick off, and we were indebted in particular to President Simon Litster for answering our emergency call for a goalkeeper and to Buddy Ferrie, who was still struggling from his exertions on Mt. Fuji the previous week, not to mention a couple of baseball games earlier in the afternoon and what may or may not have been a pint of shandy shortly before kick off.

Though we were missing Captain Gordon Deas and midfield mood-maker Andy Chambers through suspension, as well as striker the Supreme Alan Plater through injury, the Masters fancied our chances at kick off as we surveyed the opposition and all that lovely space in between them at the Mollison’s End. If only we had remembered to tighten our screws.

YC&AC kicked off and duly surrendered possession with our third pass of the game. It must have been another 10 minutes before we got our next touch. Verdrero made light of their numerical disadvantage, the No. 10 and his double the No. 20 in central midfield dictating the flow of the game with great movement and superior passing, while all around them YC&AC creaked and groaned.

Verdrero’s brand of tidy possession football reaped its first reward 15 minutes into the first half, the aforementioned No. 20 jinking into the left side of the box before striking a Van Persie-esque beauty past a helpless Simon in goal. Our oppo had threatened several times before then, and with the way we were playing, the half-time whistle could not come soon enough.

Bring the Beat Back!

At the interval, after stand in captain our No. 17 had had his say, the cultured footballer that is Phil Denham stepped forward to offer a proper player’s analysis: “That was s*ite!” We shuddered, shook ourselves down and strode back out determined to look more like the Eames Lounge Chair and Ottoman of a piece of classic furnishing that we know we can be on our day.

Twenty seconds later we were 2-0 down. Racing onto a sweet through ball from the kick off, that devil of a No. 20 got his laces caught in our pursuing CB Servaes Van Der Meulen’s studs and collapsed like a pro, complete with the accompanying little whinny and pleading glance refwards. The No. 20 himself converted the spot kick with a cheeky little sidefoot almost straight down the middle.

We were in trouble.

But “Nil Desperandum” is not the Masters’ motto for nothing! “Never give up!” is our modus operandi, and to our credit, in the face of grave adversity, we did lift our game a bit. There were the odd spells in this half when we were able to string a few passes together, whip over a few crosses, and take a couple of shots at goal. YC&AC’s No. 17, cutting in from the left wing, might even have had a couple if he were not still cruelly cursed with Diego Birtles Force Fielditis.

Our hopes were however fully extinguished midway through this half with another well worked goal from Verdrero, making the final score an accurate reflection of the difference between the two sides on the day.

So, after a proud opening show in a 2-4 defeat to the excellent Yokohama Seniors (who on the back of last year’s league title success and subsequent triumph in the regional play-offs will represent Kanagawa Prefecture in the Over 40s National Tournament later this year) and subsequent 6-0 rout of the Yokohama Old Codgers, YC&AC’s finest have since rather flattered to deceive. 0-0, 0-0, 0-3 is the disappointing sequence, and if we play like we did in that 0-3 later this afternoon against YSCC we shall be extending that dismal run against a side which looks on paper to be running into a bit of form.

Established in 1969, Verdrero have precisely 99 years less history than YC&AC

In Praise of Papas

Saturday 2 April, 12:00 p.m

Over 35s 3 v Marinos Papas 0

YCAC’s finest returned to football action on April 2 after a three-week hiatus brought about by the dreadful events in northeastern Japan. Opposition on the day were our old friends the Marinos Papas, with whom we formed a circle before kick off to observe a minute’s silence in memory of those who perished in the disaster of March 11. The spring sunshine warmed our faces as a light wind, directionless, whistled in gusts above our heads.

Peep!

Despite the absence of many accomplished regulars and the inclusion in our squad of two players from the third tier of YCAC football, Anthony Savage and Matt Wallace, the Fives assumed instant control of this football game and ran out comfortable winners. YCAC basketball star Richard Ringling was barely tested in the Over 35s goal until the final quarter, when the Papas, willed on by Coach Kambayashi on the sidelines, attacked us with astonishing late-match verve. Goal scorers for the Fives were the aforementioned Savage and Wallace, who each struck from distance, while Simon Warburton of all people registered our third, chugging on to a Will Brady through ball before blasting a shot past the portly Papas keeper.

Peep, Peep, Peep!

The full squads from both sides stayed behind after the match and enjoyed some excellent grub from Mollison’s and a few jugs of lager beer. Mr. Kambayashi supervised a collection in aid of those suffering in Tohoku to which the Fives gave generously. It was only then that we learned that a Papas player was among those to lose their lives to the tsunami on March 11.

The return to football action was on the whole a mellow occasion, but one for which we were all thankful. It was cathartic to get back out there on the pitch.

If it was not quite “back to business” in the match against the Papas, it will certainly be “back to school” later today, as the Fives meet the Yokohama International School teachers in the annual Scholars Cup fixture. Unfortunately for the teachers, I had a dream last night, and you don’t need to have read Sigmund Freud to interpret this one.

I’m sitting in the back of a taxi with Maradona, and we’re having a laugh about this and that, talking about that fantastic goal he scored against England in the ’86 World Cup and so on. I then whip out a brand new copy of the great man’s autobiography, which I just happen to have on me, and ask him to sign it. He’s got a pen, thankfully, and begins flicking through the book to find a blank page. Takes him ages. No blank pages! The book is dense with print from front to back. Eventually though he finds a spot. It’s quite a few pages into the book and I’m quietly annoyed because that’s NOT where the signature should go, it should go at the front of the book [mutter mutter] but anyway he signs his name, adding a long zig-zag squiggle as a flourish (“a spider,” he calls it) and hands back the book. I turn to the page to admire the autograph… Page 17, folks. Page SEVENTEEN, I tell you. It’s a sign!

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Anthony Savage, Matt Wallace, Simon Warburton

Officials: Good

Attendance: The Papas brought a crowd as usual. Big respect to them.

Goals Galore as Fives Turn on the Style and Leave It On

The Over 35s finished 2010 playing some of our best football in many a moon, and if anything we’ve started 2011 even better.

Not only do we have quality in all positions, we also have quality in depth, so that when one big man is away or subbed, in steps another to keep the Machine looking big and strong and unbeatable.

The squad has been consistently impressive this term, and whereas in the past discussion over the post-match beers might have centered on the purple patches, these days it is the dodgy spells or slightly under-par performances which seem to stand out for most analysis. Perhaps this is because, having battled our way into such a fine run of form, the dodgy spells offer dread Sisyphean glimpses of the slippery slope beyond; the hill that must again be climbed with heavy ball; the horror of a struggle against the Papas.

Squad for one of the January games, don’t recall which. The photo amply illustrates the strength-in-depth the team now has. Standing third from left in this picture would normally be our No. 17, but on this day up stepped Lee Bowyer in his place. Kneeling far left would normally be Russell Brown, but on this day we had the legendary Albert Einstein back from the dead. And kneeling second right, in for Andrew Barrett came none other than Kiefer Sutherland. And so it goes on.

After the blip of our second-half meltdown against Midorigaoka (3-1 up, 3-5 down), our results in January were outstanding: 9-1, 9-2 and 3-1. Will Brady alone scored 8 goals in these matches, registering a combined distance on the shots (which went in) of approximately 200 yards.

What also needs to be recorded, however, is that it was the strength of our defense which provided the platform for our fun up front in these games. The very excellent Servaes Van Der Meulen (CB) commented after the 9-2 result against El Mondo that it was a game that might equally have finished 2-2.

Bit of an exaggeration, that, Servaes, but point taken. The scorelines have not always been a fair reflection of the quality of the opposition’s play.

Take for example our defeat in the annual clash against Tsukuba University, the 107th installment of the first “international” football match ever played in Japan. That was never a 1-4 game.

The Fives took an early lead through a Gordon Deas strike from distance, but couldn’t get a grip on the match and slowly allowed it to slip from our shaky grasp. Tsukuba were a decent outfit as always, but we had fancied ourselves this year and both the performance and result were disappointing. The timing of the fixture was not the best, of course, coming directly after a Burns Night supper which was once again very well attended by the Over 35s.

The reception after the match was again an enjoyable one, accompanied as it was by beer and nibbles and plenty of noble speeches. The MVP Awards for YCAC went to Matt Wallace for the Firsts, Somebody Who Wasn’t There for the Seconds, and Gordon Deas for the Over 35s. Well played to them.

A shoe designer talked us through his plans to make boots for our teams modeled on the sort of footwear that might have been worn when this historic fixture was first played in 1904. The boots will be recycled from old boots which, if we have any, we are encouraged to send in a box to Tsukuba. At the very least we should raid Lost and Found.

Dennis Stanworth was the first to offer up his boots for recycling (pictured).

Also among the speakers at the reception were the day’s young referees, who are studying the art of officiating at a college in Tsukuba. Your match reporter, impressed, vowed to redouble his efforts to keep his mouth shut on the pitch in future, but predictably fell at the first hurdle the following week.

What must also be recorded here is the “suggestion” made by one speaker that in the not too distant future the YCAC should travel to Tsukuba to celebrate this historic game. It’s hard to disagree too much with that. After 107 years, we probably owe them one.

The footballers, refs and shoe designers of Tsukuba treat us to a rendition of their University song. They really belted it out.

If only we had played against Tsukuba like we did the following week, Feb. 12, against our thorny old enemy the Four Roses. Traditionally one of our toughest opponents, we made the fixture look easy this year, 6-0 being an accurate reflection of what was basically a trampleover; a battling, powerful, stylish display; a consummate Over 35s performance.

By Alex Hendy

Stuff, All Sorts of It

What’s happened since we skinned the Brazilians? You may well ask.

Matches at the end of 2010 came like Aaron Lennon (thick and fast), and a few breathless summaries is about all I’m able to muster.

Saturday Nov. 27
Over 35s 6 v Suiran High School Old Boys 1

A veritable walkover, this, featuring four (4) goals from our Supreme Administrator. Suiran not usually so accommodating. Just how good are we?

Saturday December 4
Over 35s 2 v Vile 4

Obviously a blip. Decent new oppo with two or three pretty good younger-type players. We’d beat them sixty-five times out of a hundred, probably. Pity to lose the momentum of our form, but you can’t win them all.

Saturday 11, 3:30 p.m.
Over 35s 4 v Johnson & Johnson 1

Straight back to winning ways, it was, in the annual bashing of J&J who, it should be said, were vastly improved on their recent more powderpuff incarnations. Incredibly we were 0-1 down at half time.

The Supreme then struck his second hat-trick in a fortnight in what was a surreal 10-minute spell at the start of the third quarter, and for Johnson and Johnson it was all over again for another year. We look forward to welcoming our friends from Aomori back to the Club in 2011.

————–

The final report from 2010 comes from Captain Gordon Deas, who offers this summary of what by all accounts was an agonizingly near thing in the annual

Nishiumi Cup, Thursday 23, All Day

A great effort by the team, but we just came up short again against Yokohama Seniors.

J Club 1 – 2 Over 35s (Takeda, Barrett)

Completely dominated this game, should have scored many more, then J Club got one with their only shot on target near the end of the game.

Yokohama Seniors 1 – 0 Over 35s

A very strong Yokohama team had the best of us in the first half, but we responded strongly in the 2nd, missing 2 or 3 really good chances, had them pinned back, did everything but score. A great performance but very frustrating loss. We knew this match would decide the group and probably tournament.

Chingu Club 0 – 4 Over 35s (Denham, Deas, Vyvial, Barrett)

Although the group was all but lost a really great performance from the team. Phil opened the scoring with a shot from distance in the first half which cannoned in off the bar. Early second half I played a one–two with Boz on the edge of the box and slotted into the corner. Boz then scored a good third, with Andy getting a great fourth, arching to get a cross played behind him and heading into the corner—a goal which, as he reminded everybody, takes him ahead in the Golden Slipper.

Great day, beautiful weather, good turn out, everybody got a chance and enjoyed it.

A good end to our 2010 season… We were really close against Yokohama, but that’s football.

—————

And then suddenly it was 2011, and it’s Aaron Lennon all over again (give peace a chance).

What happened in the first match of the year? You may well ask…

Saturday 8, 10:30 a.m.
Over 35s 3 v Midorigaoka 5

3-1 up courtesy of two long-range Will Brady pearlers and another poached Andrew Barrett effort we were cruising as we approached half-time until yours truly blasted a hole in the team’s hull with an incredible miss at the Swimming Pool End. It was all down, down, deeper on down after that, and on we sank into the heretofore unchartered waters of a very decent new-look Midorigaoka’s horrible watery bowels.

In the aftermath of this shock defeat, some of us put the result down to a spot of post-holiday rust; but equally, if indeed not slightly more so, some small degree of credit is due to Midorigaoka. One foresees many more interesting encounters with the Greensters ahead.

ANNOUNSHMENTS

Overseas Tour

Anyone not already booked on this who wants to be should probably contact either the Supreme or the Captain without delay.

Player of the Year!

It occurs to your match reporter that no announcement has yet been made regarding the 2009/10 Player of the Year Awards. The annual Awards event was held much later in the year than usual, at the Hub in Sakuragicho (initially [etc]) and was, once again, very well attended by our most excellent and fulsome squad.

Most Valuable Player
Many readers from the Fives’ glorious past will no doubt wish to congratulate their former teammate Russell Brown on his award of the 2009/10 Player of the Year pennant. Russell was a popular choice with the players for obvious reasons: his combative consistency, rare creativity, and frankly incredible corners.

MIP
The Most Improved Player in 2009/10 was deemed by his fellow professionals to be Gareth Cardiff. It is not the first time in the last two seasons that a player in his debut season has won this award, and again the vote (as one presumes was the case with Andreas Hirl last year) seems to reflect how increasingly the team came to appreciate the player’s influence. Gareth is not your average Over 35s footballer. For one thing, he’s not much over 35; for another, he can run. And run.

Golden Slipper
Alan Plater. Supreme Administrator.
Alan scored 17 in the 2009/10 season, just shading Andrew Barrett, his partner up top, who bagged 15. The friendly battle for the Slipper looks likely to be a close one again in 2010/11, with Andrew already on 14 and Alan on 12 at the time of writing.

Signed up for Burns Night yet? Saturday February 5, folks. Once again the Over 35s will be well represented at this terrific annual event at the Club. Don’t miss it.

17

We’re All In It Together, Kids

Saturday 20 November, 12:00 p.m

Over 35s 2 v Boys from Brazil 1

This was a match which some of us felt must surely have delivered the best performance ever from a YCAC Over 35s football team.

The opposition, a bunch of lithe, keepy-uppy 36-year-olds who get together annually to remember their collective youthful pursuit of professional contracts in Brazil, could each of them play a bit, oh dear; could each of them, no doubt, spear long balls the width of the park, olé; could each of them…

BOOF! Eat our goals!

Two strikes in the final ten minutes from Andrew Barrett delivered a terrifically hard-fought victory for the 35s and a lesson in the value of team spirit for the 36s.

1-0 down, 2-1 up.

Who’s laughing now, Boys?

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Barrett (2)

Man of the Match: Sada Hosogai

Officials: Good

Attendance: A lucky few

FORKYU! A Rise and Fall and Rise in Four-Four Time

Saturday 13 November, 10:30 p.m.

Over 35s 4 v. Four Roses Koryu 4

Bit of a classic, this.

The opposition was an unsavoury blend of two of the more spiky and physical sides on the Senior Circuit: Four Roses and Koryu, or FORKYU for short. If the oppo were a cocktail, one dare suggest, it would be a cheek-puckering old-style Whiskey Sour, with a sucked-and-spat-out cherry pit lurching around in the bottom of it. The Fives, by contrast, would be a blue-label Chimay magnum.

GOAL! Leading by example, the consistently excellent Gordon Deas got us off to a great start in the first quarter, half-volleying home at the far stick (PBSE) from an acute angle. Quality finish, that, from the Captain, and it rather set the tone. Koryu may soon have leveled things (1-1), but our spirit held.

And GOALS like our next can only add to the belief which is quietly working its way through the squad this season.

Second quarter, and Russell Brown fires in what the player himself described afterwards as “the best goal I’ve ever scored.” Readers who have seen Russell in action, or believe everything they read in these reports, may care to impart their own colour to a description which cannot do this goal justice.

It starts with (and owes almost everything to) a stupendous tackle by the goalscorer, twenty-five yards out and central at the PBSE. In one motion, Russell crashed into a fifty-fifty challenge with some FORKYU defender and bounced out of it with the ball at his feet. He then swiftly moved the ball out wide to the right, to our No. 17. I hold on to possession a fraction, half-draw the next challenge and then cuff the ball back to Russell, who is trotting in at the edge of the box with his eyebrows raised. A second centre-back comes scuttling across but Russell, too quick, nicks the ball past him with the top of his left boot and, with the full force of his right, SMASHES the ball into the back of the net.

Sensational!

FORKYU plainly did not enjoy our celebrations one little bit, and to their credit rallied in most annoying style. Like many of the best Japanese senior teams we face, FORKYU were excellent at retaining possession and pretending like they were on TV.

A highly competitive game of football now unfolded in which the Fives, 2-1 up at the third-quarter interval, somehow found themselves 2-4 down with 10 minutes to go. Our cause was not helped near the end of the third quarter when the Fives’ combative midfielder and long-throw specialist Chris H. saw red for trying to pick up all the handbags dropped by FORKYU’s ridiculous No. 35 (who saw red in the same incident). However, our cause was not ended.

We felt aggrieved. We wanted a result. And wouldn’t you know it, we got it. Or half a result, anyway.

GOAL! Our No. 17, from an inside right position, bangs the ball across the pitch to Andrew Barrett, who is free in space wide on the left. I charge on, screaming for it, and AB obliges with a pass of exquisite pace and timing which arrives at my extended right toe just a split second before their keeper. Nip. Tuck. 3-4.

Only minutes remain. Alan Plater finds himself in possession of the football on the halfway line. There’s not a lot on for our Supreme Administrator, but Andrew offers him a run on the wrong side of the centre-back. Alan jabs it on…

And Andrew, all power and determination, all Over 35s burning desire, MUSCLES OFF the FORKYU CB, takes control of the Over 35s match ball and—woohoo!—invites it on a little walk around their keeper.

4-4.

It didn’t feel like a victory. It didn’t feel like a defeat. It felt like a very hard-earned, satisfying draw.

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Deas, Brown, Hendy, Barrett

Officials: Hard to agree with the sendings off. Some perspective, please.

Attendance: Any number of WAGs, if memory serves.

What’s Wrong, Ramone?

Saturday 6 November, 12:00 p.m

Over 35s 5 v Yokohama Select 0

After the trauma of heavy defeats in our two previous outings, a game against Yokohama Select is not one we’d have chosen given the chance. Indeed, Yokohama Select would have been among the first to be deselected from our list of regular oppo. University of Tokyo Old Boys would have been good; Johnson and Johnson…

We looked across at Select from our pre-match circle at the Paul Blamire Shed End and nervously identified some familiar faces. The grumpy, curly haired half-Mexican looking No. 4 (Ramone?), for example, one of the best players on the local senior circuit; and… eh? It’s the Man Who Dies First in a Spaghetti Western! Yokohama Select, we could only assume, had signed Tingu’s bearded old campaigner in the close season, presumably for a fistful of dollars.

Piripero, the coffin maker (1:06 in trailer below), now plies his trade for Yokohama Select

Peep!

We need not have worried. We should have remembered how good we’d been in the weeks before the TML lowdown matches. You don’t suddenly become a bad side just because you’ve lost 1-9 to a top TML team in what were, let’s be fair, atrocious conditions.

Captain Gordon Deas arranged the starting line-up in the usual 4-5-1 formation, appointing Russell Brown to start for us in goal in the absence of anyone decent. Doubly disadvantaged by the loss of Russell from our midfield and his presence in goal, the Fives’ defense worked overtime in the first quarters to keep Select a safe distance from the Swimming Pool End. Select possibly had their moments, I don’t recall, but the score at the end of the match was an accurate reflection of the difference between the two sides. Oh yes.

GOALS!

Our first was a penalty after Alan Plater had been clumsily upended executing a great little flick and turn on the inside edge of the box. Like a gentleman, our Supreme Administrator did not object when Andrew Barrett strode forward to take the kick. Perhaps Alan was expecting our regular taker Russell to bound up from the other end? Andrew put any such thoughts to an early rest however when, SMASH!, into the top left-hand corner his spot kick flew.

Gareth Cardiff got our second, again at the PBSE, this one I think in the second quarter. Our fleet-of-foot left-winger ran on to a through ball from someone or other, dribbled into the box and fired his shot straight through the keeper into the back of the net.

Our third, again possibly in the second quarter, was a towering Andrew header from another massive Chris Harrington throw-in. Simples.

Alan struck his fourth of the season and our fourth of the match with a great goal that highlighted the understanding which our two front men have developed over the weeks and months. Christopher Binz knocked a longish one on to the head of a centrally positioned Andrew, who called Alan’s name as he leapt to flick the ball directly into the path of his strike partner. Alan bounded on and finished with his usual efficiency.

Anyone might have scored our fifth, a goal which for those of us involved felt like playing the strike force in a real game of table football. Four of us ran on in a parallel line to a through ball which caught the Select back four sleeping. Russell had possession wide on the right. As the four of us entered the penalty box Russell nudged the ball square in front of the out-rushing keeper to our No. 17, leaving me an open goal and a golden opportunity to stake a claim for miss of the season. I almost took it, but was mightily relieved to see the ball pop up snug into the top left-hand corner.

We might have made it six late on when Andrew was unlucky to see his fierce strike bounce off the bar and Alan was mortified to see his header from the rebound sail over with the keeper still struggling to his feet on the floor.

Five was plenty. We were back to our winning ways.

What’s wrong, Ramone. Are you losing your touch? If you shoot to kill you better hit the heart. Aim for the heart or you’ll never stop us.

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Barrett (2), Cardiff, Plater, Hendy

Officials: Good

Attendance: Not many